I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She tied me up with her honor cords...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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