yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
