My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just invented taco cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!