Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
