Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
