Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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