We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
