i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
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He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
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I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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