we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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