So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
