I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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