Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
