Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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