I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize