Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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