all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
