He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
