Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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