You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
