Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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