Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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