Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
