i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
