Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
