"it" just moved
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
