Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
