I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
