I want to have your abortion
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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