haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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