He felt like a one man threesome
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
