I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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