I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
