someone threw a dead crab at me
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
