Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
