I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
