i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
