It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
