Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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