i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
