I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize