Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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