If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
zippers are such a cool invention
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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