we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My balls are so social today.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
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