I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
