Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
