Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
