I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
