I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
