i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
