We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
