I need to stop coming to work sober
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
