i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
