It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
