Can Purell be used as lube?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
did i just pee glitter
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
