no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
