my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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