did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
