I am full of burrito and curiosity
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
my poor anus
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
