I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
