reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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