it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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