Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize